var _gaq = _gaq || []; _gaq.push([‘_setAccount’, ‘UA-15147223-1’]); _gaq.push([‘_trackPageview’]); (function() { var ga = document.createElement(‘script’); ga.type = ‘text/javascript’; ga.async = true; ga.src = (‘https:’ == document.location.protocol ? ‘https://ssl’ : ‘http://www’) + ‘.google-analytics.com/ga.js’; var s = document.getElementsByTagName(‘script’)[0]; s.parentNode.insertBefore(ga, s); })();Tumblr (3.0; @dad-isms)http://www.dad-isms.com/<img src="http://28.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lz8gocXqYM1qafmauo1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/>http://www.dad-isms.com/post/17425255689http://www.dad-isms.com/post/17425255689Sat, 11 Feb 2012 09:38:36 -0500dad-ismsdadismsloveadvicekidshappiness<img src="http://27.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lz8f53XCje1qafmauo1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/>http://www.dad-isms.com/post/17424131318http://www.dad-isms.com/post/17424131318Sat, 11 Feb 2012 09:05:27 -0500dad-ismsdadismsloveadvicekids<img src="http://28.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lz8b9jt26b1qafmauo1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/>http://www.dad-isms.com/post/17421845726http://www.dad-isms.com/post/17421845726Sat, 11 Feb 2012 07:41:43 -0500dad-ismsdadismsloveadvicekids<img src="http://28.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lz13f6Apne1qafmauo1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/>http://www.dad-isms.com/post/17210569155http://www.dad-isms.com/post/17210569155Tue, 07 Feb 2012 10:09:06 -0500dad-ismsdadismsloveadvicekids<img src="http://30.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lz1017t1mq1qafmauo1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p><strong>We, not she, is why it didn’t work</strong></p>http://www.dad-isms.com/post/17208822420http://www.dad-isms.com/post/17208822420Tue, 07 Feb 2012 08:55:55 -0500dad-ismsdadismsloveadvicekidsrelationships<img src="http://28.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lysmuflFhT1qafmauo1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/>http://www.dad-isms.com/post/16950468484http://www.dad-isms.com/post/16950468484Thu, 02 Feb 2012 20:30:15 -0500dad-ismsdadismsloveadvicekids<p>Thanks so much for the message.  Unfortunately, we (my family) understands your situation.  My first wife died five years ago this May.  My children were 2.5 and 6 years old when it happened.  We have moved…but some days not ON like I wish.  There is always a hole, strong faith or not, and I have a pretty fair amount.  I think about her nearly every morning when I wake up and multiple times per day…but did re-marry a wonderful woman that knows these things and somehow loves me and my children anyway.  I have a soft spot for those that have lost…and I get many, many heartfelt messages on the topic.  I am honored you would take the time to read my writings.  You have made my night.  I really appreciate you reaching out and would be happy to answer any questions you have going forward.   - Dad</p>http://www.dad-isms.com/post/16898239732http://www.dad-isms.com/post/16898239732Wed, 01 Feb 2012 21:18:25 -0500<img src="http://28.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lyqni1hJIx1qafmauo1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/>http://www.dad-isms.com/post/16888627750http://www.dad-isms.com/post/16888627750Wed, 01 Feb 2012 18:49:13 -0500dad-ismsdadismsloveadvicekids<img src="http://30.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lypxbk8jNM1qafmauo1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/>http://www.dad-isms.com/post/16863764252http://www.dad-isms.com/post/16863764252Wed, 01 Feb 2012 09:23:44 -0500dad-ismsdadismsloveadvicekids<img src="http://29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lypwv30ODB1qafmauo1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/>http://www.dad-isms.com/post/16863524040http://www.dad-isms.com/post/16863524040Wed, 01 Feb 2012 09:13:51 -0500dad-ismsdadismsloveadvice<img src="http://29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lyov1yMoIh1qafmauo1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/>http://www.dad-isms.com/post/16846138344http://www.dad-isms.com/post/16846138344Tue, 31 Jan 2012 19:37:10 -0500dad-ismsdadismsloveadvice<img src="http://29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lyou8aQKLr1qafmauo1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p><strong>As you age, you’ll find the best job takes the least amount of your time</strong></p>http://www.dad-isms.com/post/16845021043http://www.dad-isms.com/post/16845021043Tue, 31 Jan 2012 19:19:00 -0500dad-ismsdadismsloveadvicekidswork<p><span>(Part 2 of the message):  </span></p> <p><span>I’m used to now. My career is starting and going well, and I just don’t want to give that up. Studies have shown that the more even the work/housework/childcare in a home, the less likely the couple are to divorce. I want something like that, but I’m not sure how to go about setting that standard and having that discussion before marriage. I’m not even close to there yet, but I think about it because I want the very best and happy life I can make for myself.</span></p> <p>______________________________________________________</p> <p>Ideal?  Mom at home, Dad working.  In my first marriage, my wife graduated high school one year early, had her bachelors a year early and by 20.5 had her Masters.  She had one B (in Tennis…of all things) her sophomore year of college, the rest of her life was straight A’s.  She could have worked anywhere for anyone, anywhere, and had unlimited potential.  The day my daughter was born, she put all of that aside and believed raising our daughter was <strong>her</strong> highest calling despite her IQ or earning potential.  </p> <p><span>Can you imagine that for a second?  Being that intelligent, racing through school, “throwing away” such potential to do the menial task of changing diapers and cleaning up puke?  Passing on the new Mercedes?  Skipping dinners with $100 bottles of wine at Ruth Chris?  Putting a lucrative career at a huge (evil) pharmaceutical company aside?</span></p> <p><span>That was <strong>our</strong> life, based on <strong>our </strong>morals.  Is that for everyone?  Obviously not in 2012. </span></p> <p><span>You asked me my opinion…and my opinion is, <strong>I love children</strong> more than I love money…and my wife shared the same view<strong>.</strong>  I think children are a blessing from God.  Not a nuisance.  Not arm candy.  Not a checkmark.  And certainly not something I would farm out to someone paid a little more than minimum wage, I probably never even had dinner with, visited their home, or quizzed them about their personal beliefs to make sure they resemble my own.  I think it is <strong>grossly self-centered</strong> to <strong>knowingly</strong> bring a child into the world to only 12-14 weeks later dump them at a day care for 7-9 hours per day so after paying for a car, nice(r) clothing, lunches at Panera, and a bigger house, a person has really netted what in income?</span></p> <p><span>I have known you via tumblr for some time, so I don’t believe you will take to cowardly throwing rocks and say, “This guy is the biggest misogynist”…because if anyone takes the time to read my two and a half years worth of writings, I hope they see that I love women, and I love children.  </span></p> <p><span>This isn’t a woman problem as much as it is a lack of <strong>MEN </strong>standing up and being men problem.  What is wrong with taking a lessor car GUYS?  What is wrong with living in a house the size your grandparents lived in 60 years ago?  What is wrong with living on a budget instead of debt?  I believe our priorities are all wrong.  We are chasing, as Brad Pitt’s character in Fight Club outlines, the “perfect” guy.  </span></p> <p><span>The “perfect” guy doesn’t succumb to commercials that tell him what to wear, the size his house needs to be or if he needs a Polo symbol on his shirts.  The highest calling of a Man should be the way he treats his wife, his children and how he loves his maker…not the superficial crap that we (and I am guilty of this too) chase for temporal happiness.  </span></p> <p><span>It breaks my heart to hear younger people and those my age try and pass off this, “I am trying to create a better life for my kids so that’s why I work so hard (and have a house double my grandparents size, have two NICE cars, spend 4k on vacations, spend $500 on my kids Christmas etc.).  If people are really interested in creating a better life for their children, they would live on less, and spend less…and most importantly <strong>actively</strong> raise their own children.  If taking a position of humility sounds weak, it is only because you value what others think over what your family does. </span></p> <p><span>Validation from “others” is the surest path to unhappiness I have encountered in my thirty-nine years.</span></p> <p><span>…and after all of that “woman-bashing”, let me say to you personally: work if you want.  Make as much as you can.  Enjoy yourself.  Discover your highest calling….but know you can’t have it all.  </span></p> <p><span>I know people who live in giant houses with empty rooms, and quiet dining rooms that their families never gather in.  I see big yards but no one to play catch with.  I see kids decked in Abercrombie & Fitch or Polo or whoever society deems is cool pecking on iphones…who have no connection to their parents.  I “get” to read personal emails from MANY of you telling me how divorce has wrecked your life and how the empty promise of one night stands and commitment-less relationships has left you desolate.  </span></p> <p><span>I am sorry…but the way this question is answered, I am convinced, is the root cause of many of our problems.  My advice?  Break the cycle.</span></p>http://www.dad-isms.com/post/16289339862http://www.dad-isms.com/post/16289339862Sun, 22 Jan 2012 10:11:00 -0500<img src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ly0q20stoz1qafmauo1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/>http://www.dad-isms.com/post/16084757322http://www.dad-isms.com/post/16084757322Wed, 18 Jan 2012 18:46:47 -0500dad-ismsdadismsloveadvicekids<p>Thanks for the question.</p> <p>A “proper” date means<strong> two of you one on one</strong>.  The place doesn’t matter as much as the intentionality of making sure it is just the two of you.</p> <p>If this keeps happening over and over again, where it <em>is</em> just two of you <em>but</em> feels like a hangout, say…to meet at the coffee shop or for dessert somewhere, simply say (with a smile), “Are you asking me out”?  </p> <p>He will either say, “yes, I guess so” and laugh with you or try to justify why it is <em>just</em> a hangout.  Force him to say which it is.  You’ll jump high on his respect-o-meter and you’ll force him to step up his manliness, all good things.</p> <p>On a side note…and now let me get on my soapbox…it is increasingly disturbing to hear about the number weenies my generation has raised (but really this is just a manifestation of the daycare/divorce generation), but I get many, many private messages reinforcing what you are saying.  </p> <p>There is nothing wrong with hanging out, but when a guy can’t muster the courage to ask you out then I wonder how this will look down the road with kids, bosses, neighbors, etc., etc.  </p> <p>You can help him man-up to a degree but if I were a young lady, I would look for the Gentleman that understands what I am saying.  Bold but humble.  Confident, not boisterous.  Kind, but would never let anyone trample over them.</p> <p>- Dad</p>http://www.dad-isms.com/post/15886621308http://www.dad-isms.com/post/15886621308Sun, 15 Jan 2012 10:25:58 -0500<img src="http://29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lxuhmyDjXN1qafmauo1_400.jpg"/><br/><br/><p><strong><span>A good diet won’t make an average athlete great, but a poor one will surely make a great athlete average</span></strong></p>http://www.dad-isms.com/post/15885710967http://www.dad-isms.com/post/15885710967Sun, 15 Jan 2012 09:59:22 -0500dadismsdad-ismsloveadvicekidsgymdietathletes<p><strong><span>1.  Accept nothing but a proper date the first few times you go out.  I don’t care if it is a ballgame that costs $5.  Ice cream on picnic tables or dessert at a coffee shop.  Money has nothing to do with it. Intention is the key.</span></strong></p> <p><strong><span>2. Go somewhere neutral.  A club is not a date.  Bumping and grinding on someone you just met will probably not get you flowers or a love note or a date with that person three months from now.  The only thing that will come of this is another notch on his belt.</span></strong></p> <p><strong><span>3. Waffling should trigger your creep meter.  Good guys take their commitments seriously and plan.  Plans can go awry…and if they do, is he the type that leaves you hanging with lame excuses or the one that will give you a heartfelt apology?</span></strong></p> <p><strong><span>4. If he says everything right and does everything wrong, he is wrong.  Actions don’t lie.</span></strong></p>http://www.dad-isms.com/post/15824479049http://www.dad-isms.com/post/15824479049Sat, 14 Jan 2012 08:04:00 -0500dad-ismsdadismsloveadvicekidsdating<img src="http://26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lxsgsqMOY51qafmauo1_400.jpg"/><br/><br/><p><strong>If you can’t grow a decent beard in seven days, don’t try to grow one in thirty</strong></p>http://www.dad-isms.com/post/15824100195http://www.dad-isms.com/post/15824100195Sat, 14 Jan 2012 07:46:02 -0500dad-ismsdadismsloveadvicekids<img src="http://26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lxib1uLKPJ1qafmauo1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/>http://www.dad-isms.com/post/15540769526http://www.dad-isms.com/post/15540769526Sun, 08 Jan 2012 20:05:53 -0500dad-ismsdadismsloveadvicekidsrelationships<img src="http://27.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lxfp48c4pv1qafmauo1_500.png"/><br/><br/>http://www.dad-isms.com/post/15452981544http://www.dad-isms.com/post/15452981544Sat, 07 Jan 2012 10:16:56 -0500