Oneness in marriage does not mean independence from your spouse where you go your way and he goes his, essentially living separate lives.

It doesn’t mean separate bank accounts or secret slush funds.  Oneness isn’t you staying up all night on the computer while your spouse goes to sleep two hours before you every night.  

This picture the future divorced among us have of marriage is so far from what marriage actually is, I wonder why they get married in the first place if the only thing holding them together is twelve consecutive weeks of “acceptable behavior”? 

Marriage is a LIFE commitment.  

To believe that it is a conditional act is essentially setting yourself up for failure.

Where does this belief come from then…this idea of independence within marriage?  

It comes from the prevailing thought that if I give all of myself away, if I completely trust another human being, and more importantly (and unspoken) my spouse figures out I NEED them, then they will forever take advantage of me.  

This is actually the opposite of reality and why some who marry, never connect and become ONE in the way marriage was intended (by God).

This isn’t popular advice, but if you got married because you wanted your spouse, but didn’t need them…in other words, if they left you tomorrow, you could for the most part pick up and carry on missing little than you probably don’t NEED them, which is a dangerous place to be and even worse if your spouse knows it.  

What if you lost your job?  What if to keep a job, you had to take half of your pay?  What if you got in a car accident and could no longer walk?  What if after having your first child your wife pleaded with you to live in a smaller home so she could stay at home with your child but you loved having the financial rewards of two incomes?  

Do you see how WANT does not adequately cover those things in life but NEED and ONENESS does?

I don’t want you to think that to be ONE you have to be attached at the hip every day, but if you watch television two hours per day and talk to your spouse for (essentially) fifteen minutes, or between commercials…that may cause problems later.

I am not ashamed to say I depend on your mother…and because of that, I am a happily married man.  

Does that make me less of a man to say that?  Of course not. 

Does your mother know this?  Yes, of course.  I intend(ed) for her to know that I depend on her without shame.  That is affirming to her.  That is oneness.

She is the one I want to go to concerts with.  She is the one I like to play golf with.  She is the first person I call when I do something great at work…or something bad happens.  When I am having a less than stellar day, I know that she can make it better.  That isn’t to say I don’t spend time with friends often, because I do, I just prefer her company.  Does that make sense?  

I wouldn’t dare make a decision of remote importance without her input, not because I can’t, but because I love her and part of that love comes from a willingness to share my life with her on every level.   

I hope I have convinced you that dependence is a good thing.  I believe it simply means that life is better when shared with the one you love (and that is why I shared it with you).