You’ll never learn from your mistakes and grow if you keep telling yourself (and others) you never made the mistake in the first place
About the author
A daily glimpse at what thirty-eight looks like through the eyes of a loving Dad. Feel free to contact me jtsponcia at gmail dot com. My other blog http://andialwayswill.tumblr.com, is dedicated to love. - Joe
Love letters are (still) the most powerful and most underutilized way to say “I Love You”
Your actions reveal your priorities
When I was a kid one of my favorite things in the world was getting the new Sears ‘wish book’ catalog before Christmas. My uncle and I used to take turns circling all of the things we wanted as if they could be ours with the stroke of our colored pens.
Of course, it would have been impossible to get everything we wanted, but that didn’t stop us from wishing. The funny thing was, what we did get, we were thrilled with and what we didn’t get kind of didn’t matter because we were just happy to get some of the things we wanted.
I wish I could put my finger on when and why a person stops doing this.
Why they stop dreaming?
Why they stop believing?
Why they aren’t happy with what they have and instead focus on what they didn’t get out of life?
One thing I can tell you is this: When you stop dreaming, day by day, you stop living
When you speak to people with your arms crossed, it says ‘I’m not comfortable (with you/the topic)” and some may even believe (subconsciously) you don’t like them. Its a subtle thing, but don’t ever speak to someone with your arms crossed unless you’re cold
I hope you find the person that cherishes you…and doesn’t simply love you back
Vignette’s of a woman
(…I just want to feel like the only woman you see when you walk in.
…I curled my hair today for thirty minutes(!)…thirty minutes(!)…and all you have to say is hey?
…on the way to meet you, I listened to our song the entire time.
…I changed my outfit three times because I want to look perfect for you…)
(…I love you, do you not understand this I love you(!), I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Why won’t you say it? How can you not feel what I feel?
…I know we fight all of the time now. I know its not as fun and you don’t have a clue why? I have put my heart in your hands. I am depending on you. I need to know you feel the same. I am sorry if that’s pressure. I am sorry if that’s too much right now. I need to feel safe. I need you to say the words that make me feel that way. When you do, I swear, I’ll feel better. We can be fun again. I won’t freak out, I just need to know….)
(…I’m sorry, I’m hurt. I have been patient. I know you love me. I know you care. I just want to know out loud if I am the one you want forever. Me. All of me. All of my faults and neurosis and emotions. Me.)
(…I am not waiting on something better. I am waiting on you. It was always you. When you first looked at me, it was you. How can you not know this?…)
They are never “taking a break from dating right now”, when they are attracted to you
Hopeless romantics will go out of their way to let you know how much they love you, but this will not last forever if you aren’t verbally acknowledging it .
You can’t expect sustained romance without sincere appreciation for the gesture(s) done to demonstrate romance.
Men are like over-grown 3rd graders. Every time we color a picture, we do it for you. Guys want, no, need you to make a big deal out of what they do. Brag about him whenever you can. Tell your friends (in a loud voice over the phone) how lucky you are, because in the heart of every good guy resides a pleasing nature
cordpm asked: I got this idea to write, in a journal, letters to my future wife. Letters of the things that I feel are important to me today. I don't WANT to write something every day, but something has happened every day that I want to tell her about. I am completely fine with where I am right now. I'm not sad, and I don't feel lonely. Because I have these letters for my future wife. Even though I don't know her, I feel like I get to talk to her every day.
I just got out of a relationship. It was close to impossible to smile before I started this. I hope this helps someone who can't smile to show off their teeth daily!
I think that is one of the best idea’s (and romantic) I have heard in a long time - Dad endorsed!
Let me know when your boss pays you on how good your intentions were
Anonymous asked: Hi,
You keep talking about the good guys and how girls don't notice them, but I think we do. In fact, I know girls (including me) who are looking for those guys especially. But it seems as though that things never work out. As an example I was clearly interested in someone you would consider a good guy (church, grades, all that good stuff) and other than texting one in a while, nothing came out of it. I know not everyone can be interested in you, but I wanted to let te good guys out there know that there are girls out there who are looking for them.
Also, because you're good at this stuff, what's the best way to get a "good guy" interested?
I love your blog, keep up the good work :)
Great question!
1. Make eye contact….a lot. Let him be the first to look away, not you which leads me to…
2. Make yourself approachable by not fiddling around when alone or with friends. A confident smile goes along way.
3. Guys are starved for compliments, get to know them well enough to give sincere ones when you get the chance.
4. Listen. Most guys will talk when given the chance and when they feel like the other person is genuinely interested.
5. Be well read and confident enough in your beliefs to articulate them.
6. All guys love a good sense of humor just like you gals, it shows you don’t take yourself to seriously.
7. Pray. God still takes requests and sometimes he ‘plays’ them.
Let me know how things turn out will you?
Anonymous asked: Hey "Dad",
I'll get to the point: I'm 21. The girl I like is interested in a total jerk. I mean really, he's a bad guy. Crude, immature, sarcastic, and the worst part is he's popular and attractive. She tries so hard to catch his eye and grab his attention and he doesn't even notice; he doesn't care. To him, women are all just pretty faces with large breasts. As much as she tries to get him to notice her, he will never know who she really is.
Do good guys really finish last, or ever? I need to know being a gentleman is still worth it these days.
Sincerely,
A fan
Good guys ALWAYS finish first. I’m afraid you are wasting your time on someone that doesn’t recognize this though…
A few weeks ago I went to see one of my favorite all-time bands, the Smashing pumpkins…and you should have seen the crowd. Guys in wife beaters, acid washed jeans (yes, really), combat boots, ill-fitted clothing, etc. etc with really nice looking girls that dressed about 4 notches better? I couldn’t for the life of me understand this…but there is a reason why places in the mall like “Hot topic” stay in business and 3 years later, the clothing people bought there is never worn again.
I really hate it when girls that fit that profile end up getting pregnant and marrying ‘the jerk’ and years later get divorced and wonder aloud, “where are all of the good guys”?
I say, “Honey, they were trying to be your lab partner in Chemistry class and you thought they were too geeky. They were on the honor roll and you thought scoring 35 pts in the basketball game would translate into future success and didn’t. They were at church on Sunday while you were sleeping off your hangover. They were all around you and you never bothered to give them the time of day and unfortunately for you, they don’t forget”.
Keep doing what you are doing. A discriminating Good guy will always get the Good girl!
You have to understand that most every young girl grows up with the image of the fairy tale princess being swept off her feet by the dashing prince and until a few frogs come along, most hold onto that image.
Unlike (most) guys, no woman wants to be one of many. They would rather be your one and only.
The euphoric feeling of new love is great but at some point you have to let her know where things are going or she will force you to.
You can’t look at that and say “that’s just females, they are all crazy”. No, she is just being practical. You can’t expect to take the lead…and then not take the lead on something as important as the direction of your life and your relationship with her.
All women worth marrying have the “3-6 month timer” in their brains. Generally speaking, the better their parents were growing up, the earlier this topic will surface. So…instead of dreading ‘the talk’, embrace it, and understand it is only crazy if you don’t want the same thing when you think about it.
What I am trying to tell you is…be honest with her. If you don’t see things going anywhere, be a man and tell her. Don’t waste her time or yours. If you do see yourself spending the rest of your life with her, tell her son! If you guys are “too” young, there is nothing wrong with giving her a (clear) time table on when things can come together. You know in your heart of hearts that it isn’t fair to make her wait around forever.
Heeding this advice will save you multiple years of fighting and in some cases, unforgettable damage to your relationship. No woman wants to drag you to the alter much less ride on a ship that never reaches land
You have to understand that most every young girl grows up with the image of the fairy tale princess being swept off her feet by the dashing prince and until a few frogs come along, most hold onto that image.
Unlike (most) guys, no woman wants to be one of many. They would rather be your one and only.
The euphoric feeling of new love is great but at some point you have to let her know where things are going or she will force you to.
You can’t look at that and say “that’s just females, they are all crazy”. No, she is just being practical. You can’t expect to take the lead…and then not take the lead on something as important as the direction of your life and your relationship with her.
All women worth marrying have the “3-6 month timer” in their brains. Generally speaking, the better their parents were growing up, the earlier this topic will surface. So…instead of dreading ‘the talk’, embrace it, and understand it is only crazy if you don’t want the same thing when you think about it.
What I am trying to tell you is…be honest with her. If you don’t see things going anywhere, be a man and tell her. Don’t waste her time or yours. If you do see yourself spending the rest of your life with her, tell her son! If you guys are “too” young, there is nothing wrong with giving her a (clear) time table on when things can come together. You know in your heart of hearts that it isn’t fair to make her wait around forever.
Heeding this advice will save you multiple years of fighting and in some cases, unforgettable damage to your relationship. No woman wants to drag you to the alter much less ride on a ship that never reaches land
